I turned 20 today, and that’s a huge milestone for me. From age 10, I have gone through Hell and back, facing all sorts of issues.
Looking back on myself throughout my teenage years, I can’t stand the person that I used to be. I was selfish, completely insecure, extremely emotional, unable to trust, and very, very, clingy. I’ve grown so much since then and it makes me very proud.
From age 16-19, when my eating disorder/mental problems were the worst I started to alienate all of my closest friends, treating them like dirt.. the hatred that I felt for myself consumed my every thought, and I unknowingly took it out on those that I loved the most. I lost 10 of my best friends this way, people I’d known since pre-school.. I didn’t know who I was.
I’ve been making a lot of progress lately, and have been feeling better about myself than I’ve ever felt in my life. I still have terrible self-worth, but it’s improving bit by bit.
Today opened my eyes though; only a few people wished me happy birthday, compared to the tons of them that did last year. It made me realize what it means to lose a friend. I’ll never have those people again, and it’s completely my fault.
But yeah, I just wanted to get this off of my chest. Bye.
“The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.”— Richard Dawkins (via bestrafemich21)
Thanks for answering my question earlier about how you chose to start eating better! Chose. To start eating better. Chose. It is a choice. Your attention seeking "anorexia" is a choice. It came from your mouth.
Did you even read my answer? I said it wasn’t a choice at all.. that what I did was replace the extreme restricting with over-exercising. It’s still a god damn eating disorder. It was never a choice to have terrible self esteem, to think that I can’t eat or exercise like normal people do.